I'm 43 years old and I've been married for 22+ years to this awesome lady who bore 3
gorgeous children (girl 18,boy 10,girl 7) to me and life right now couldn't be more
blessed for me at this point, but it wasn't always like that...... You see, I've always
considered myself a child of God since I was 6 years old. I was saved at 6 and
baptized soon thereafter.
Even back then, I considered myself an athlete and I just KNEW that I would be
playing in the NFL or MLB someday and I was playing as much sports that I could as a
kid. I was blessed with good athletic ability and my dad always supported me in my
quest. As I was growing up and got into high school, I gradually gave up on football
and focused on baseball where I was a pitcher. In my sr. year we were state champs
at Miami Carol City and everything seemed to be going as I had planned.
Unfortunately, only 2 of my teammates received scholarships or were drafted into the
MLB. Undaunted, I enrolled in Broward Comm. college in Davie Fla. and tried out for
baseball there. After going to fall tryouts and pitching in 3 practice games I felt
comfortable about my progress, but apparently the manager felt otherwise I was cut
from the team for reasons unknown to me. Even before then, I had stopped going to
church because I thought that"hey I don't need anyone's help, I can do this on my
own", so I basically turned my back on God.
Well, I was heartbroken for being cut and I didn't know what I would do. My dad saw in
the newspaper an advertisement for semi-pro league tryouts, so I decided that I would
work hard to prove to the BCC coach that he was missing out on a great player!!! I
tried out for this league and I was drafted 1st round by the best team in the league! I
was ecstatic! I worked hard at becoming the best pitcher I could be and for 4 games
that I pitched in(9 inning appearances apiece), I was the best! Then came game 5
and even though it was a win, I could feel that something wasn't right. After that game,
my arm became lame and I wasn't able to pitch for a while. The good thing was that
we went on a month long break. Plenty of time to heal, I thought so I sat back and
waited to get healthy. Trouble is, I didn't continue to train because I thought that my
natural talent would shine through. It was about this time that I discovered drugs,
specifically marijuana. I would go across the street and smoke with the neighbor and
not care about the world. S, we got back to playing with me on the bench to start
which was OK with me, because I knew that my chance would come so I waited for my
shot.We were playing a game in which we got a 10 run lead so the coach told me to
get ready to go in. Well I did so bad, I gave up 10 runs without getting an out. Well, I
didn't care ! I could try again soon and there'd be nooooooooo problem, right? After
that game, my dad approached me and informed me that there were multiple scouts
from college and pro teams that were there to see me pitch. Needless to say they
never came back and my arm was never the same as it was earlier that season. The
opinion was that it was a rotator cuff injury (devastating for a pitcher) and my baseball
career was over.
Well soon after that I began to smoke weed more frequently and also dabbled in other
drugs like cocaine and speed. While I still smoked, I met and married my wife and
brought my addiction into that relationship. I continued to do drugs and it escalated to
crack cocaine (highly addictive) until finally my wife had had enough and she quit, but
I did not stop. Eventually, we moved away from south Fla. to Greenville, South
Carolina to escape the influence of drugs. While we were there, we began to attend
church after a few months and though I still occasionally would smoke crack with a
friend of mind who would get it for us. Finally the inspiration was to return to S. Fla.
and we did where I began to work for my step-father-in-law. I now had a company
truck and lots of freedom to move around.
My wife and I enrolled at a local Baptist church where we were asked to become youth
directors and we accepted. I was now in charge of youth while still on my crack
addiction. I would also drive the church bus, pick up people before service on sunday
morning, drop them off afterwards and then take the church van to get my drugs. I
was also using our tithe money (a BIG no-no) to buy my drugs and I was also draining
my family's bank account. My wife (God bless her) really had no idea that this was
happening because I was a "functional" drug addict and I could hide it well.
My drug use began to escalate to a point where I would wake up in the morning and
take off in the company truck I was entrusted with to buy my drugs. I could now even
go on my own to places that I could have been robbed or killed (very bad parts of the
city) . It got to a point where I was running out of drugs and money and wondering
where I could get more crack. One night I sat in my truck and felt so guilty and
ashamed that I thought that my family would be better off without me. I dismissed that
thought because I wouldn't be able to get any more money without the truck or my
family's money. My mind was so totally consumed by the drugs that I wouldn't even do
my family the justice that I thought they deserved, so I went home to a somewhat
upset spouse who still didn't really know the full extent of my addiction. One night, not
too long after, I was sitting in my truck once again smoking my life away and I ran out
of crack. As I was sitting there wondering where I was going to get my next crack rock,
I heard a voice tell me,"Jeff, what are you doing? If you don't stop,you'll lose your
family, and you're going to die!" It was the voice of God speaking to me! Useless,
worthless, me! It was right then that I knew that God was still with me and really cared
for me even though I had turned my back on him! Needless to say it shook me up so
much that I started up the truck, put it in gear and headed home to my family and the
one person that had withstood so much crap from me over the years-my wonderful
loving wife.
Since then I have been totally clean and my blessings have been increasing
exponentially. We moved from my parents house to a nice trailer, then to a 4 bedroom
2 bath in a nice neighborhood,then to a 2 story house on a lake with a pool. I had
thought that I had done something(s) so bad that God wouldn't forgive me but
fortunately for me and my family I was wrong! I hope this loooooooonnnnnnggggg
message of hope will touch someone in a special way that may be struggling with
addiction(s) and give them a reason to live for God! May God bless you all!